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Wednesday Evening July 5th /54

Saturday evening Mollie Henry, Mal, and Mr Saunders came out, took tea with us—Cousin Margaret came up for Mollie & Mal, they left about ½ 10, or 11—Mr S. just before them—I did not enjoy the evening at all, I was too anxious, for their departure, for I know there was a little bundle, or package for me, which I would so much rather see, and have than their company, or any one else—it took all the politeness I could “muster” to wait for them to go, after they left I came up to my room, and after resting my eyes for some time, went to bed, but thought I would never get to sleep, I could not keep from thinking, thinking, long of the same thing—Sunday morning went to church, in the evening Annie Hinton came, and spent the evening, ‘til six I expect—soon after tea Mrs Rorke & Emilie came over, they had not been here long before Mr Tucker came in, I declare I was in such “a gele” that night, I can’t say why—we walked home with them—Mr Tucker left ½ 10—I guess—Monday morning Mother and I went out to pay a few visits—but did not make many, it was too warm—I had my daguerreotype taken but I don’t think it very good—I received a letter from Coz Saturday night—saying Cousin John and she would spend a month or two at Shocco—Grandmama expects to go next week, and take me with her, to spend a month, I am so glad, (except for one thing—), I hope to enjoy it firstly—O! It is so warm, I hope so much it will rain, how often have I thought of bad effects of this weather—Monday night don’t know what I did—Tuesday (the 4th) I spent the morning at home, Mr Saunders, who was to have been my escort went off on the cars to meet the Grimes—I would not have gone any way, for it was too warm, and I did not feel exactly well—Received a note from Mr Tucker asking me to go with him to the fire works—I accepted—in the evening received one from Mr Graham asking me to accept of his services for the evening, and it was too provoking to have to go with Mr Tucker. I go with him so much—However we all went, spent some of the time at Messrs Tuckers store, where a good many ladies and gentlemen had were—then went to Mrs Hardies, then took a little walk, & back to Mrs Hardies again, and then home—I was so worn out, and tired—How my thoughts kept going off from those around me—I was contrasting the 4th. of June, with the 4th. of this month, how different!

To-day I have spent trying to keep cool, and surely fail—Mr Saunders told me last night (he returned on the train) that he as going to call out to see me this morning—I have not seen him—and I don’t care to—he cannot think any thing of my friendship, asking in the way he does—The Grimes are expected home to-night—how sad must be their return, how little they thought when they left—That it would be without a Mothers watchful care, without her presence they would return—but so it is—Mrs Grimes died last Thursday in Pitt oh! How I feel for and sympathize with them all, but with Annie more, than any, it is dreadful, O! How dreadful, to her without a father in this world, but without a Mothers love to direct, watch over, and move us—what can we do—O Annie & all, I feel, & feel deeply for you—It is so warm! I wrote to Cousin yesterday—Hope to receive a letter to-night, but fear I will be disappointed—I have heard some things this week, which O! Me, are so bad, I wish I knew nothing about it at all—I don’t care to have more of the dark side of this world—even last night I heard something which made me feel badly, not that I had any thing to do with it, but to think how any one, could act in that way, but how little, how very little do we know, of all that is going on around us—